Recoding our programming for perfection
One sincere step at a time
Again and again, when I show up in a vulnerable and honest way and when I witness clients and women in my writing, yoga, and meditation circles being open and heartfelt, I find we almost always relate to each other.
Sincerely sharing unlocks separation and opens channels for connection. Letting us feel free and less alone, fostering a sense of belonging.
Today, I am writing about the conditioned inner critic. Maybe you can relate. If so, this article is for you.
Before my journey of self-discovery, spirituality, inner healing, and growth, I was not always aware of the power of perfection and its programming.
I walked around some days hand in hand with my inner critic or chip on my shoulder. I was running like a hamster on a wheel caught in the momentum of life, too busy to stop and take notice. And when I did, the voices were extremely uncomfortable, so I would hurry on to the next thing or numb out with distraction.
Until one day, I became curious about my thoughts and tuned in closer to the conditioned patterns that no longer served me.
My teacher calls this catching on to what's going on, which she defines as the first step to any system of change you wish to shift or aspire to.
I now recognize symptoms of misalignment or when something brewing beneath the surface is calling on my consideration. Lately, it is my grief gesturing for attention. With almost a decade of practice and support, the force and training of my inner critic and need to push to do more has not been quick to slow.
I have moments when my internal dialogue consists of expressions like you are not doing enough, you should know better, do better, differently, or more. I feel stuck in the paralysis of failure and fear when this narrative occurs. I am impatient, irritable, and doubtful, and I may take my frustrations out on others.
Though the drive of those thoughts has slowed, and I am at a place where I am more open, curious, and gentle, I am still figuring it out, and it continues to take consistent practice to break the seal, shift it, and get to the other side.
I say this not to bring up dread or to give up hope that change is abstract but to bring to light that transformation is possible with time and wholehearted effort, though the timeline is unknown and circumstantial.
I recognize that when I slow down and trust that I have enough, I am working against the culture that has taught me that to succeed, I must work harder and longer, and my inner critic tends to chime when things feel effortless, good, and in flow.
However, I am more open to experimentation instead of identifying with failure. I lean into imperfection and allow myself to write wildly while strengthening my relationship with intuition and belief.
Still, I aim for perfection occasionally.
When I find myself asking what I am doing wrong, repeating that I am not doing enough, and comparing myself to others, pushing to sign up or listen to the next best thing to help me become a better writer, life coach, wife, or woman (all of which can expand capacity and skill; but even supportive practices, podcasts, classes, etc. can have a flavor of too much if deregulated), I find my nervous system begs for less.
My body backfires when I ignore those indicators, override, and push towards some false urgency to get it all done and improve at a regretful rate. Overwhelm and irritability trailblazes, my gut and sleep suffer, I lose touch with the present time and encourage short and long-term side effects to my health.
When I tune into my system, see the signals, and honor my body, I treat myself with nourishing self-care with regularity, trustworthiness, and kindness.
With time, slowing down, and support, I have created a loyal and stable relationship with my body. I am mindful of my energy and remember that rest and well-being must be front and center.
I practice showing up through the lens of vulnerability, authenticity, and imperfection and being with disappointment with a sense of understanding and grace.
I look to nature, which reminds me that there are seasons for rest, and with time, care, and tending to, I will foster growth.
I practice recoding and reconditioning the programming and my belief system that runs bone deep by recognizing and embodying practices and beliefs that feel good, honoring my inspiration and creativity as often as I can remember.
As I swim with transition and loss, my capacity ebbs and flows. I am learning to credit and expand my capacity as I become an expert at listening to my intuition, body, and nervous system, to the parts of myself I ignored for decades, navigate this human experience, and learn to honor my pace and process.
May you slow down to notice the inner critic.
May you be curious and offer grace in the discomfort.
May you intentionally show up messy, raw, and beautiful.
May you learn to relax into the exquisite, imperfect being that you are.
May you remember you are enough.
May you know you are worthy of rest, nurturing self-care, and sustaining support.
May you deem failures as experiments.
May you trust you have enough time.
May you stay steady and true to your process.
Thank you for being here and witnessing my vulnerability as I practice perfecting the path to imperfection each week. I appreciate you.
Writing Reflection
What is your relationship with the inner critic?
How have you deprogrammed perfectionism? What works for you?
How do you listen to the nervous system's signals and rest and regulate your body?
I would love to hear about your journey and experience with the prompts. Hit reply to share or leave a comment.
1:1 Coaching
Are you curious about your inner critic and want supportive practices to help deprogram perfectionism? Would you like to create more awareness with your intuition and body?
1:1 coaching can offer a safe and supportive space to clarify your needs, discover your heart desires, increase stability, and expand your capacity and skill to navigate the discomfort of never feeling like you are doing enough.
I invite you to schedule a 30-minute discovery call with me. You can book your complimentary call HERE.
A song I am loving:
The idea of perfection is so tempting, isn’t it? It seems an injustice that it’s illusory. In Big Magic Elizabeth Gilbert describes her own inner-critic reprogramming journey as accepting her inner-critic as a passenger on her life’s journey, but making sure that it stays far, far away from the steering wheel. (That’s certainly a challenge some days.)
Your essay is a great read, leaving me with wisdom and humility. Thank you for putting it out there for us all to learn and grow from. ❤️ Erin