Let me remember
the music of our hearts as one
Let me remember the way your soft purr and kind personality soothed my ache and fatigue. How you always knew what I needed. Always.
Remind me how in love with you I am because you were so happy to see me. The urgent and frequent meows pressed together in excitement. Because of the sound of soft paws hitting the floor when I opened the front door and the little way your legs ran to me.
If I ever forget what to live for, show me the wild touch of your worship, the pitter-patter of paws etched on my heart if I forget.
Let me remember the way you greeted me at first glance or by surprise. How you said my name with enthusiasm and delight, stretching out the syllables with pitch, an extension of your animated hello.
Remind me how in love with you I am because your messages began with “you don’t have to call me back, but…” the sound of your smile and curious consideration through the phone because I always called you back. Place Greek coins in my ears so they rustle when I walk if I forget.
Let me remember the way your fur smelled, pressing my nose and lips against your body. Kissing you as if for the first and last time, our secret pact knowing it was the hundredth time for the day.
Remind me how in love with you I am because I never tired of kissing you. The gentle gesture of your paw resting on my chest, resting home in my lap. Because of how you admired me with fresh eyes ancient with love and wisdom.
Let me remember the subtle sound of your breath and steady beat of your heart as you napped between my legs.
If I ever forget what to live for, let me remember how in love we were with each other. Our bond unbreakable, our stories and souls old. Lifetimes together with you forever in my arms, even now as you soar infinitely above.
Let me remember the size of your hands and how they swallowed mine. The hair on your arms, how it felt against my skin, coarse and easy-going. How you reached for my hand as a young girl, a simple gesture of shelter, protection, and safety.
If I forget what to live for, remind me of your tuna sandwich on a soft sourdough roll and a side of potato salad. I, with my salad, wishing I had ordered the tuna, sitting across from you. A grin on your face, half sandwich in hand, repeating, “damn, this is good.” Place a tuna sandwich in my hand if I forget the things in life that are damn good.
Remind me how in love with you I am, holding your hand those last spring days, your thinning fingers into mine. How I wanted to stay forever within your reach, our two hands intertwined, one heart ticking, the clocks of our hearts. You breathing.
Let me remember the way you slept next to me on my right side. How you would paw at my face so I would roll over if I forgot. Because no matter the side I was on, you always knew your time and place.
Let me remember the way you called me ‘your honey.’ The father-daughter dates to see Jack Johnson and Fleetwood Mac. The generosity in effort and company, relating through lyrics and melody. The sweet harmony of honey.
Remind me how in love with you I am because of this humble act and performance of love. You, my silver spring, blue-green colors flashing, and me, your gold dust woman.
Let me remember my automatic reach and love for you. The way you nuzzled your face in my hair, claw scratches on my left shoulder. How we danced to the cadence of our devotion, the color of the sky, and the sun setting nearby, my favorite time of day.
Remind me how in love with you I am because of the silent sound of us swaying to our favorite songs. The way a tune sparked a reminder of a sacred ritual if I forget.
If I ever forget, remind me how much I love to dance the music of our hearts as one.
**Happy birthday, baby boy. You would have been 17 years old this month, Jax.
Poem written on a Sunday morning in Intuitive Writing for Women.
Jax and my father passed within ten days of each other in June of 2022. Their passing marks a monumental moment for me, and they will forever be etched in my heart. My grief is often a strong blend of my love, and I often write about them together in pairs.
May I always remember how lucky I am to be loved by two rich and masculine beings. Unique on their own, similar in magic and influence.
Writing Prompt
I read a letter I wrote when my grandmother passed in 2005. When rereading it, I was grateful I captured some of my most precious memories; things I forgot and was delighted to remember. I intend to give the letter a new twist and share it soon.
One of the reasons I write is because I do not want to forget. I have been writing feverishly about my dad and Jax for the last few months to a year—moments and memories I want to capture forever in my heart, words, and stories.
Recently I shared If I Forget by Julia Alter in Intuitive Writing and Grief Writing for Women. The pieces inspired by the poem were beautiful, touching, and incredible.
My invitation to you: begin with one of the following lines:
“Let me remember…”
or
“If I forget what to live for….”
Grab a pen and paper or your favorite journal. Set your timer. Write for 15 minutes, pen never leaving the page. See what words flow.
Comment if you try. I would love to hear about your journey and experience with intuitive flow writing!