A Journey Home
lost limbs and fragments of a broken heart
The journey toward the whole self can feel like a race to survive an open-field sprint, energizing and exhausting. Undulating from one side of the pendulum to the other.
It is not meant to feel this way.
The journey to self is a process of undoing and unveiling layer by layer, wave by wave, to rediscover the essence of who we are—that part of us that was never lost or found and is always there.
It is a journey of forgetting and remembering. Beginning and ending, only to begin again.
Though we are never falsely split in two, somewhere, somehow, we become fragmented. Conditioned to look outside ourselves to find the wholeness and the belonging we long for and the adhesive to fasten ourselves back together.
Until one day, we catch on, and with open curiosity, we wonder, seek, and courageously take the long and sometimes lonely road toward self-realization.
In "The Whole Self," Naomi Shihab Nye writes, "I could tell you when the arm joined, when it fell off again, when the heart found the intended socket and settled down to pumping."
I, too, could tell you the many times I lost myself, disjointing under goosebumps and the smooth whisper of promise by a gentleman or two—however, the ride home was never so charming, welcoming, and tender.
I could tell you how often I fell off the wagon, only to find myself hungover and in the aftermath, scrambling to find my missing limbs and dignity, shattered and scattered.
I could write how, in those moments and the ones where I pulled myself together, shame tightened around my heart like armor, and regret stung my belly.
How I held my breath for so long, waiting for the ride and road to be level and clear and my heart to be forgiven, that I forgot how to breathe.
How, for many years, so many I cannot recall, a heart enflamed and aching, a mind dazed and confused by thoughts, doubting the path ahead and which crossroads to take. Never knowing who to trust or which way to go—I always looked outside for answers, direction, love, and inspiration. For, dare I say it, completion.
I could make a map of the lost limbs, the fragments of my broken heart, places and pit stops where I gave up—giving in, surrendering to the past.
I could highlight moments when we met up, that precarious self and me.
It happened more than once, but it was the last time, like the heart, when I, too, settled down and began pumping those soft rhythmic beats. The dance of my breath under the milky way, the inky sky. The autumn moon lighted my way, illuminating all the broken, misplaced pieces I had forgotten, shining its beauty and grace on my fragile, tired bones.
And like the affection of the sunlight kissing ashen skin, as though I never forgot, there she was again – bendable, beautiful, brave, and sweet with anticipation. Tied and tangled into two but always one.
A whisper heard in silence so deep it has its own sound, eternal like the ocean's current. A precious code, a secret language I could only uncover.
With this precious secret, I promised never to forget.
To always remember the compass of my heart. The wisdom of my body. The sunshine of my soul. The stormy weather of my grief. The ease of my being.
Like a current, a fragile cargo, I float on the river and remember to flow with grace.
I am opening to the richness of life and rediscovering wholeness one healing step at a time, moving forward with freedom and at an unhurried pace – wholehearted, present, a witness amidst it all.
Written in my Sunday writing group, Intuitive Writing for Women
Writing Prompt
Yoga reminds us that our true nature, our whole self, is not a matter of success, advancement, or betterment. It’s about knowing our capacity and being fully present with our inner and outer experiences.
Aligning ourselves with our whole self invites us to embody and instill our wisdom.
Knowing ourselves more deeply will empower us. Knowing ourselves awakens our ability and gifts to align with nature and the greater purpose of our life.
What does it mean to stand in your most authentic self and offer your whole self to the world?
Write about your journey towards your whole self. Maybe you remember or write about a specific journey, experience, or way of being.
Or
Begin with this line:
“A precious code, a secret language I could only uncover.”
Grab a pen and paper or your favorite journal. Set your timer. Write for 15 minutes, pen never leaving the page. See what words flow.
Comment if you try. I would love to hear about your journey and experience with intuitive flow writing!
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